Where my Flesh and Spirit Colide

I’m not a big news watcher. It honestly makes me want to loose faith in all of humanity. About a year or two ago I decided I should probably try to keep up with the jist of what is happening in the world around me. Mostly when it comes to politics and world events.

You guys. Incase you haven’t been keeping up; it’s complete madness out there.

Writing is a big way that I process. After my time with the Lord this morning I realized, I really need to process. This may seem a little all over the place but I’m just going to write as it comes out of my heart. No apologies. I know the topics I’m going to write about may and probably will illicit some powerful emotional responses from people. All I ask is that if you choose to respond that you keep it as kind and respectful of others as possible.

On the topic of “Black Lives Matter” vs “All Lives Matter”

When this tagline started trending on social media and other news platforms it seem the entire human population lost their mind all at once. As a black-white biracial the topic of race gets tricky. For the majority of my life I felt I didn’t really have the right to feel a way about it because I was both black and white. It was somewhere in my 25th year of life I realized that a human I am allowed to feel some type of way about racial injustice, not matter how I identify. To be clear I identify as biracial, not just black or white. Growing up biracial is a massive identity crisis on top of the whole figuring out who you are as a person thing. I did not feel like I truly fit in with my black friends or my white friends. I heard things like “are you adopted” when people met my white mother or “do you know that you are black” when I acted “too white” whatever that means. Being biracial you learn to joke about race mostly to beat people to the punch. It doesn’t sting as much when it comes from your own mouth. I saw the looks my parents got when walking together. I began to see the looks I got, especially when hanging out with my white male friends. Years of fielding the “what are you?” or “where are you from?” questions have giving a rather sarcastic and automatically irritated response when I hear them now (I’m working on this). A lifetime of not being “black enough” of “white enough” has left it’s scars.

I’m an idealist. My head and heart live in a world that some would call fantasy and unrealistic. I’m a daydreamer. I believe in the inherent goodness of people. I believe that words can heal and that if we could actually talk about things we could come to an understanding. I believe that evils of our world come from an enemy who has blinded fallen children trying to find their way back to a loving Father. I choose to believe that most of the population is not intentionally or maliciously racist. I believe that racial identity is more that color of your skin. When it comes to “black lives matter” vs. “all lives matter” I see a lot of hurting people and a lot of people not acknowledging people’s hurt and so, healing never happens which just leads to more hurt. Can you see a cycle here?

Here are the facts as I see them:

Fact. Slavery was and is still a thing. In fact some 27 million men, women, and children are in some type of slavery today, which is more than the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. I will also say that The Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade was probably one of the most brutal acts of injustice to ever happen. However, both Africans and Europeans contributed to it.

Fact. The United States, in spite of being founded on Christian principles (more on religion later) has had a history of racial injustice from the beginning.

Fact. We, as people of color have more rights and privileges now than any other time in history. Yay progress!

Fact. Despite those legal rights on paper people of color are still being treated as less than.

Fact. This lesser treatment also extends to those people of color or minorities that aren’t black.

Fact. For whatever reason the Black-White racial tension has been at the forefront of our history as a nation for what seems like always.

So you can see why people are at their end when it comes to turning the other cheek to racial injustice.

When it come so saying “black lives matter” we are not saying that other lives do not matter. It is almost insulting to assume so. We are saying that right now, in our current time, black lives seem to matter much less. We are say that it appears that no one gives a damn if we, a black people, live or die. It is a deep heart cry to friends, family, churches, and government officials to wake up, to help us, to stop turning a blind eye and staying silent to racial injustice. We know that all lives matter.   However, right now it seems that all lives in fact do not matter because racial injustice is still, in 2017, a thing.

Why it is so infuriating to me and gets such an emotional response is because when I am met with “all lives matter” as a response to “black lives matter” is that it seem to lack empathy and understanding for the hurt and suffering of your fellow human. It makes me question if the people in my circle will stand up for me if I am harassed and berated with hateful and racist words or would they stay silent. It makes me wonder if it were my family member who was wrongfully shot, would say I was just playing the race card or would you help me get justice for them because you knew it was right. It makes me sad and a little scared to think that the people I consider close to me might not speak up when it mattered most. To respond “all lives matter” makes me feel like you are ignoring what is happening around you and what is happening to people like me and could very easily happen to me.

Now I know that for the most part people who respond with “all lives matter” are not trying to imply to the people of color in their lives that their suffering and their feelings don’t matter. I know this. I have had many conversations with friends who have said this. I also believe that race is not something you can truly empathize with if you are outside of that race. I will never fully know what it is to be a black man in the U.S. I will know what it is to me an Mexican mother trying to give her family a better life. I will never know what it is to be a white woman in the U.S. Unless you are that race you are at a distance and at a distance you can’t see things clearly. As white people you cannot fully understand what it is to be a minority because that is not your reality. I would challenge you who respond “all lives matter” to really think about your heart posture when you say this. What are you communicating to the person who is experiencing racial injustice? When you hear “black lives matter” why are you so angry?

We cannot as humans continue to stand by and pretend like we don’t see the injustice around us. As Martin Luther King Jr. so profoundly said, “there comes a time when silence is betrayal” and that “it is not the words of our enemies that we will remember, but the silence of our friends”.

To the American Church: (I recognize may get stoned for this)


You are seriously effing everything up. You are not a picture of Christ. There is so much division, So much hatred. You say that you love everyone yet you turn away the ones that don’t look like you. You, intentionally or not, make others feel unwelcome in the presence of Jesus.


The older I get, the more I understand the Father’s heart, them more I identify with the Jesus that turned over tables in temple. It makes so, so angry when I see protestors outside abortion clinics on the news, or people preaching hate to homosexuals on college campus. This is not Jesus. I can’t help but wonder if Jesus were here walking among you would you even know him? Or would you miss him, just like the Pharisees. This is something I often ask myself because I don’t ever want to miss him.

I could go on forever about this but I’m going to get strait to it.

As the Church, the body of Christ we have to do better. We have to actually love and be the image of Christ. We have to speak truth and life with our tonges. Even if they are wrong, even if they are living in sin, even if they don’t know him we must be loving and respectful and kind. There is a way to use you words to convict and inspire change without being mean or hatful. We have to stop putting people into more bondage and bring them into the freedom of Christ. We have to be the ones breaking the chains not putting them on.

I believe that spiritually we are in a crucial time. I believe the Enemy is using all the things around us to distract us from the truth of the Gospel. I believe the Church has fallen prey to this distraction. Instead on praying, fasting, and seeking the Holy Spirit we have stuck our head in the sand. I get it. It’s overwhelming the amount of injustice and hurt in the world. It is so easy to become hopeless and feel like you are working and striving for nothing. I fear the Church has grown tired of doing good and are growing weary of running the race.

I believe that the Lord has appointed prophets here and now to this nation. It is my prayer that they would rise up in boldness and love and speak out the truth the Lord has given them to speak. I pray that they will not be weighed down by this heavy burden and they would know that the Lord is their strength. I urge the American Church to earnestly search their heart. Are you an accurate depiction of Christ? When others see you, the way you act, they way you treat others, the way you respond to the times do they see Jesus? Are you pointing people to heaven? Are you calling out the Jesus in everyone? Are you speaking the truth in love? Are respected amongst those who believe differently from you because of the way you treat them? Do the things you say you believe in actually line up with the way you live your life? If not, confess and repent. The night is dark and full of terrors (you’re welcome G.O.T fans) but really. Then Enemy comes under the cover of night to wreak havoc. Are you prepared? After all this is a war we are in. We should not take it lightly for it is life and death we are talking about.

{Deep Breath. Steps down off of Soap box.}

This got heavier than I intended. I didn’t actually plan on writing all of this but this is what weighed heavy on my heart today during my time with the Lord and like I said I write to process.

Know that I am asking myself all these questions. I’m feeling the weight of conviction and repenting of where I do don’t accurately portray Jesus. It is my heart that others would see him when they see me that I would not fear and boldly make know the mystery of the Gospel. I truly believe that if we as a church got it together, if we were true representations of Christ we would see more people turning towards him than away from him. It starts with us. There is still time to turn this thing around. We have to turn this thing around.


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