When I created this blog I was really excited about the opportunity to have a platform to write and share whatever I wanted. Shortly after life got a little interesting. Things got a chaotic. I’d start to write something, then I would delete it all. How do you write about the things happening in your life while they are happening? How do find the words to share when you don’t really know them? I wanted to write but everything was so raw and in the moment that I just couldn’t find the words.
When I created this blog I promised to be raw and real with you guys. The reality of this is setting is just now setting in.
The last few weeks have felt like months. Literally the other day I thought to myself “it’s only March?” I have been through a rollercoaster of emotions and events, making me question everything I knew to be true about myself and those around me. I felt all the feels. Sadness, loneliness, isolation, fear (lots of fear), confusion, guilt…everything. I thought I was going insane and I couldn’t begin to verbalize what was going inside me. A storm was raging slowly and steadily. A storm I though would consume all on of me in any moment. I was drowning in quicksand and the more I fought the sinking the faster I sunk.
After a multitude of tears and fights with family members and ranting (mostly crying) phone calls to friends I began to numb. I couldn’t stop the storm so I might a well binge watch some Netflix a ride this thing out (healthy I know). This worked for a while. The storm lessened to a steady rainfall, but inevitably it picked back up again. So I made the brave choice to go to counseling. To be honest I was a little embarrassed about it at first. Was I so messed up that I had to go talk to a stranger to begin to work all the layers of damage acquired in my short 26 years on this earth? Apparently so. Little did I know that this was one of the most brilliant choice I have ever made. Now that I have been going for a few weeks now I totally see the Lord’s hand in this.
I say all this to say that you never know where this journey of life will lead you. You never know who God will bring into your life and they will influence your journey. Some are the for only a season and some are their for forever. Some you will know exactly what you were supposed to learn from the and others will forever remain a mystery to you. Each person, each event, has value. More value than we will probably ever know. Pain is inevitable.
This season is going to be bittersweet. I can already tell. It is going to be hard and painful and beautiful. It is going to require patience and perseverance, strength and grace. This season is a birth of a life time of shalom.
A friend recently emailed me about her journey in a word study into the hebrew word shalom and all the things the Lord was revealing to her. Curious, I googled the word. You won’t believe what I found. In a snapshot shalom mean complete peace, wholeness, completion, and harmony. It signifies peace between man and God, safety, and well-being. I don’t know about you but this really resonated with me when I read this. I think finding shalom is what this season of life is all about. It’s about learning to live in wholeness, in complete peace with God, myself, and others. It’s about calming the storm forever. It’s about know what anchors me. It’s about living fully and abundantly. It’s about intimacy with the Lord. This is season is the birth of shalom for the rest of my life. It’s kind of amazing right?
I don’t know how long it will last, but I know it will be worth it.
For those of you who pray. Please pray for me during this season. Pray for my heart and my mind. Pray that I would have the courage to go deep and to rest when I need it. Pray that I would extend myself grace when it gets hard (and it’s getting hard). Pray that my mind would be clear and free from distractions or lies. Pray for revelation, healing and redemption.